Can I Get Directions to the Nearest Insane Asylum?

Now, I wasn't going to make this site of mine a "how-to" blog but on occasion I may share my vast knowledge on a particular subject. I'll start off by saying that once your children are teenagers, it's all payback and parents should take full advantage of it. For instance, I have this apron that has mustaches all over it and everytime I wear it, the conversation goes something like this...."Coleson?" and he says "Yep" and then I wait until he looks at me and I say "I mustache you a question". He just shakes his head and tries with all his might not to smile.

The Dispicable Apron

Another approach a parent may try is to recite lines from movies and childhood shows frequently. For example, when you walk into a room where your teenager is sitting, probably his or her room, and yell "Who...made... this... great ...big... mess?!" (This is from the Big Comfy Couch... if anyone had the pleasure of watching at least a hundred episodes of this show, you probably own a straight jacket). Shrek and Toy Story movies have some great lines to use on your teenager until they run screaming from the room.

Or how about when your teen is in the bathroom, walk by and knock on the door and yell "I have to pee!" ...even though there are other bathrooms in the house and you don't have to go pee. Every now and then when my teenager steps on my toe or bumps into me, I yell "ouch!" A really good one (I'm quivering as I'm thinking about it because I LOVE this one) when your teenager passes their learners license you can inconveniently ask them to drive you places like the grocery store or gas station at all hours of the day....preferably when they're playing games on the computer with their friends or better yet, wake them up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning.

Remember, your quest is to get the eye roll.

If the truth should be told, I don't think I've ever caught a full-on eye roll but I know I may have to stop tormenting my offspring at some point or one day I'll get a pat on the head and the nurses will say "there, there".